Love Stories, Lifelong Bonds and Treasured Memories at The Gardens
When someone moves into a care home, they bring with them a lifetime of love stories, cherished memories, and precious relationships. At Ascot Care, we recognise that supporting these emotional bonds is fundamental to providing truly person-centred care.
Following Valentine's Day last week, it's a fitting time to reflect on how we honour the love stories that have shaped our residents' lives, support them through loss, and help them preserve their memories for future generations.
The Power of Love Stories
Every resident at our care homes has a unique story to tell. At The Gardens, our team recently spent time with residents exploring their memories of how they met their partners, and the stories are as heartwarming as they are diverse.
Take Jannie, one of our residents, whose love story began by with a chance encounter in the Scottish barber shop where she worked. When a man walked in one day, and expressed surprise at seeing a woman cutting hair, she firmly told him to sit down. That haircut led him to ask her on a date, and eventually, to them forming a lifelong partnership.
Another resident, Dorothy, shared that her own story began on a bus trip to Whitby. She'd gone along with a friend of hers, and the friend's date, Tommy. By the end of the day, it was clear that Tommy and Dorothy's friend weren't suited, but Dorothy and Tommy certainly were. As Dorothy fondly recalls, he "came with my friend and left with me." The friend attended their wedding and remined close to the couple, who went on to share 62 years of marriage.
A third resident, Ann, shared that her story began at a dance hall, with a case of mistaken first impressions. At age 18, Ann would go to the Palais in Darlington most Saturday evenings with her friend. One Saturday, a man walked in who she thought looked very old. When he came over to ask her for a dance and to walk her home, she declined. The following week, she even hid behind a stone pillar when she saw him enter the ballroom again. But Sid, the man in question, was persistent, and eventually Ann agreed to dance with him and let him walk her home. The "very old gentleman" turned out to only be 24. "It was his moustache that made him look older than he was," Ann chuckled. At age 20, Ann married Sid, and they were together for 63 years, blessed with two daughters and four grandchildren, and as Ann puts it, "the rest was history."
These charming anecdotes are meaningful for our residents and their loved ones, and celebrating these stories is an important part of how we support their emotional wellbeing. When we take time to listen to residents share their memories, we validate their experiences, helping in maintaining their sense of identity, and creating opportunities for meaningful connection.
Ann and her husband Sid on their wedding day.
Picture courtesy of Lucy Todd, Activities Coordinator at The Gardens. Published with permission from Anne.
Maintaining Connections with Loved Ones
Quality care homes understand that relationships don't end when someone moves into residential care, they simply need different kinds of support to flourish. At Ascot Care, we facilitate connections in numerous ways:
Flexible visiting arrangements: We encourage families to visit at times that work for them, recognising that regular contact is vital for emotional wellbeing.
Technology support: For residents with family members who live further away or cannot visit regularly, we help arrange video calls and ensure residents have the support they need to stay connected digitally. We even have a Facebook Group where family members can check what activities their loved ones have been participating in, even if they are not able to speak to them directly.
Regular communication: We keep families informed about their loved one's daily life, sharing both important updates and small moments of joy.
Special occasions: We work with families to ensure significant anniversaries, birthdays, and celebrations can be marked meaningfully, whether that's arranging special visits, helping residents choose cards or gifts, or creating memorable experiences within the home.
Person-centred care means understanding each resident's unique relationships and adapting our approach accordingly. For some, this might mean helping them maintain weekly telephone calls with a close friend. For others, it could involve supporting a daily visitor to feel welcome and comfortable in our homes.
Supporting Residents Through Loss
Dorothy and Tommy on the day of their 60th wedding anniversary.
Picture courtesy of Lucy Todd, Activities Coordinator at The Gardens. Published with permission from Dorothy.
Perhaps one of the most important and most challenging aspects of care is supporting residents when they experience bereavement.
The recent passing of Tommy at The Gardens demonstrates how our approach extends beyond basic care. Tommy and his wife Dorothy (who shared their loved story at the beginning of this article) had been together for 62 years, and both lived at The Gardens. When Tommy died in December 2025, the staff provided Dorothy with all the practical support she needed, honouring Tommy's memory by attending his funeral and continuing to acknowledge the depth of her loss.
As one team member reflected: "Every morning on shift, going into the lounge to start activities, I miss seeing Tommy sitting in the same spot next to Dorothy."
This simple statement speaks volumes about the relationships our staff build with residents. When team members attend funerals, they're not acting out of obligation, it’s a personal choice to honour someone they knew and cared about, and showing families that their loved one mattered.
At The Gardens, and across all of our homes, our staff supports residents and families through bereavement by:
Acknowledging the loss: Creating space for residents and loved ones to talk about the person they've lost, share memories, and express their grief.
Personalising their environment: Helping residents display photographs, create memory books, or keep meaningful mementoes close.
Facilitating attendance at funerals: Whenever possible, supporting residents who wish to attend services for family members or friends, even at short notice.
Ongoing support: Recognising that grief doesn't follow a timeline, and continuing to check in with bereaved residents, and families, weeks and months after their loss.
Staff presence at funerals: When appropriate and welcomed by the family, staff attendance at funerals demonstrates respect and provides continuity of support for the family.
Peer support: Recognising when other residents are grieving too, particularly when the loss is of a fellow resident who was a friend.
Wisdom from Experience
Our residents have accumulated decades of wisdom about relationships and love. When we asked some of the residents at The Gardens about the secrets to a good marriage, their answers were wonderfully simple:
“Always be patient”
“Consideration for each other”
These nuggets of wisdom deserve to be captured and shared. Staff at The Gardens, along with the rest of our care homes, are finding creative ways to supportt families in documenting residents' knowledge and experiences. They might do this through taking pictures, doing small interviews, helping writte memoirs, collecting recipes, or helping put together family trees, etc., all of which are then shared with the family of the resident.
This work gives our residents a meaningful activity and sense of purpose, whilst creating tangible legacies for their loved ones, enriching everyone’s lives.
Creating a Culture of Connection
At Ascot Care, we believe that supporting emotional bonds takes more than policies and procedures. It requires a culture where relationships are valued at every level. To us, this means:
Recruiting staff who understand the importance of emotional support, not just physical care.
Training teams to have meaningful conversations with residents about their lives, loves, and losses.
Creating an environment where displays of affection between residents and their loved ones are welcomed and supported.
Building activity programmes that include opportunities for reminiscence, storytelling, and celebration of residents' life experiences.
Working in partnership with families to understand each resident's relationships and how best to support them.
Recognising that our staff form genuine bonds with residents, and that these relationships enrich care for everyone involved.
Looking Forward
At Ascot Care, we're committed to going beyond the basics of care to ensure that every resident can maintain the relationships that matter to them, receive compassionate support through difficult times, and leave a legacy that honours the rich life they've lived.
As we wrap up our Valentine's Day celebrations for another year, our chats with the residents at The Gardens are a reminder that love, connection, and relationships remain central to wellbeing throughout our lives. Whether someone has been married for six decades, is maintaining friendships formed long ago, or is building new connections within our care homes, these bonds deserve to be nurtured and protected.
If you'd like to learn more about how we support residents and their families at Ascot Care, please don't hesitate to get in touch with any of our care homes across the North East.